See what I did there?! Anyway, the band The Hell are pretty funny guys. Recently, they blasted metalcore in an open letter to Metal Hammer going on a tirade on why it should go away, check it out after the jump. Apparently they received a lot of hate for that and decided to breakup via Facebook, saying:
“AFTER READING ALL OF THE COMMENTS ABOUT HOW WE ARE STUPID AND SHOULD DIE, WE HAVE DECIDED TO BREAK UP. SORRY FOR WHAT WE SAID. THIS IS 100% TRUE AND NOT A PUBLICITY STUNT. WE ARE REALLY DONE. THIS IS REALLY IT. WE WILL PLAY OUR LAST SHOWS IN 2094 AND OTHER TOURING WILL NOT BE AFFECTED. IT’S BEEN REAL.”
Then, later that same day, they decided that they didn’t care and would be reuniting.
“GUESS WHO’S BACK? CAN’T WAIT TO START PLAYING SHOWS AGAIN. WE’RE BACK TO RECLAIM OUR CROWN.
THE HELL”
That was followed by another breakup…
“WAIT SORRY THAT WASN’T SUPPOSED TO BE ON SOCIAL NETWORKS YET, IGNORE THE BIT WHERE WE’RE BACK BECAUSE WE NEED TO SAVE THAT FOR WHEN WE ANNOUNCE SOMETHING SO WE’RE SPLIT UP AGAIN NOW. R.I.P. IT’S BEEN REAL.”
…and reunion.
“WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE THAT WE ARE OFFICIALLY BACK, TO RECLAIM OUR CROWN AS THE KINGS OF EVERYTHING. WHO WANTS SOME UK HEADLINE SHOWS?”
They took a jab at djent the day before all this nonsense went down.
“ONLY PLAY 2 STRINGS BECAUSE WE ARE 3 TIMES BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE ON GUITAR. OH, AND 4 TIMES BETTER THAN YOU DJENT CUNTS.”
I really don’t even know what to make of all that but it’s pretty funny. These guys really know how to piss people off and they don’t care in the slightest that they do. Considering how uptight some metal fans I’m glad these guys are doing what they do. Speaking of pissing people off, without further ado,here’s that letter to Metal Hammer mentioned earlier. I don’t hate metalcore, I’m actually a fan of the genre but this is still a funny read.
“DEAR METALCORE,
JUST FUCK OFF.
I AM WRITING YOU THIS AS AN OPEN LETTER, NOT BECAUSE I AM TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY TO SAY IT TO YOUR FACE, BUT BECAUSE I COULDN’T FIND YOUR FUCKING ADDRESS IN THE YELLOW PAGES.
PLEASE STOP. NO ONE FUCKING CARES ANY MORE. IT’S DIFFICULT TO WORK OUT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT FROM ANYONE. I SAW A FEW METALCORE BANDS OVER THE SUMMER AND I’VE NEVER BEEN SO FUCKING FURIOUS IN MY ENTIRE LIFE. THESE GUYS GET UP ON STAGE, SHOUTING ‘WHICH OF YOU MOTHERFUCKERS IS READY FOR A GOOD FUCKING TIME’, AND THEN PROCEED TO SCREAM EVERY DETAIL OF EVERY ROMANTIC FAILURE THEY’VE EVER HAD. NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR IT MATE. THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO DO WANT TO HEAR IT ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE INTERESTED IN SHIT LIKE CRYING AND FLOWERS.
A TIP FROM THE TOP THOUGH, IT WOULD BE EASIER TO STOMACH YOUR OVERLY-SENTIMENTAL, GROTESQUE CIRCUS OF HEARTBREAK IF YOU WEREN’T SELLING T-SHIRTS TO PRE-TEENS THAT LOOK LIKE SOME KIND OF SWEARY, MISOGYNIST VERSION OF ADVENTURE TIME.
YOU’RE CONFUSED, METALCORE. IT’S ALMOST UPSETTING. TAKE ‘ALONE’ BY FALLING IN REVERSE. IT’S CLASSIC METALCORE. VERSES ABOUT HOW YOU’RE SHAGGING MY HYPOTHETICAL WIFE, THEN A (BEAUTIFULLY SUNG) CHORUS ABOUT HOW YOU’RE FED UP OF BEING ALONE AND YOU MIGHT NOT MAKE IT HOME AND NO ONE’S ON THE PHONE AND DIAL TONE AND PAYDAY LOAN. JUST FUCK OFF.
SO METALCORE, TO AVOID FUTURE HEARTBREAK AND TO SPARE US ANY MORE METALCORE ALBUMS – STOP BEING SUCH A CUNT.
YOURS SINCERELY (AND WE ARE ALWAYS SINCERE),
NAILS
THE HELL”